Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The BYU Hipster

In real life*, hipsters are people in their twenties** who believe in nothing but cigarettes and tumblr accounts. They come from upper-middle class, suburban homes with parents who love them, but they choose to make passersby think that they were raised by Courtney Love in the sewers. The only music they listen to sounds like acoustic poop, although sometimes they like things ironically, like early '80s pop bands. Hipsters exude an attitude of humble superiority: "I'm not good enough to shower or shave my smoldery*** neck beard, but I'm better than all of you, and that's how low you are." Somehow they are drowning in apathy while simultaneously caring too much.

BYU Hipsters? Yeah, they are all of this (except for that part where I talked about the cigarettes!) but worse: they want to seem like all they care about is Jack Kerouac and scarves and greasy bangs, but they've been on missions and go to church and take religion classes and are thus just pretending to not care about their lives and God and finding their eternal companions.

*Outside of The Bubble

**Anyone who looks/acts like this over the age of twenty-nine is pretty freaking sad. Anyone looking/acting like this under the age of twenty...well they still have the chance to grow out of it.

***Yes, sometimes certain girls are attracted to certain neck stubble.


  1. You're brilliant! Jack Kerouac is totally like the original gangster of all hipsters!

  2. I laugh out loud every time you post. Thank you for saying what everyone is thinking. Idiots. They are all idiots.

  3. I agree about the brilliance. Sometimes I sit on my porch (You could mention something about living in dingey houses south of campus because they all do) and count the beanies and beards and Toms.
    Bless them.


    maybe those girls should be attracted to neck stubble of men that are straight...