Library Goers: Second Floor

The second floor of the Harold B. Lee Library is home to the Periodicals Section. The only difference between Periodicals and the Cannon Center is that you don't need your Dining Plus card to get in. Every table is chock-full of freshmen engaged in freshman activities, such as:

-taking pictures of themselves and/or all of their friends on Photo Booth on their shiny, brand new Macbook

-feverishly copying their roommate's Book of Mormon notes minutes before the midterm

-trying desperately to think of the perfect iTunes library name for the shared network...maybe this was just me. The best ones I've ever either been told about or seen for myself were "I'm easy" (followed by a phone number) and "iPood".

-fake-studying while actually trying to catch the eye of the King of Helaman Halls, who only studies in Periodicals--except for those few occasions when he can be spotted in the No Shh Zone

DISCLAIMER: As a freshman, thanks to the Periodicals' social scene, I made a lot of my friends...so freshmen, just accept that you have these cultural obligations and give in to them. Also take an upperclassman out to a Dining Plus-paid lunch.

Library Goers: First Floor

People found on this floor of the library mean serious business. With little to no cell service they are not going to be found updating their twitter with awesome little anecdotes like "OMG totally studying in the librarrrrrrry!! hahaha come joinnnnnn! =D" and if they have a computer, you will never see the soft glow of facebook's blue and white grace their screen.

No, these students are seasoned BYUers and are either married or are so caught up in the rapture of the celibate life of study that they've left the sexually-charged-chaste-tension that is the rest of BYU and have entered Grad school. You'll usually catch these students with materials that no other student has access to (i.e. a Bible printed on the original Gutenberg press, or the lost 116 pages of the Book of Mormon).

Studying down here requires a furrowed brow, writer’s bump, and most importantly: the lack of a libido.

The Elders Quorum Groupie

Every ward has one: the girl who is hopelessly devoted to the Cool Guyzz. And okay, who among us hasn't crushed on an EQP at least once in our lives? The difference is that this girl has absolutely no shame. None whatsoever. Refer to this sample conversation:

EQG: So I saw on your Facebook that you like "The Office". I do too. Can I come up to Budge Hall and watch with you and your friends?

EQP: Yes? [thinking] What is this girl's name...

EQG: Great! It's a date! And I already have your number from the ward directory so I will text you about it, and, just in case, I'll write on your wall. Please respond on my wall so people know I interact with boys.

[ten minutes later]

EQG [text from her to him]: I was reading your wall-to-wall with [other boy in ward], and I saw that you guys are going to the dollar theater tonight. I'll be there.

Now, this is an exaggeration*, and the rest of us always stare in disgust at her grossly forward ways at ward prayer...but deep down we burn with envy because at least she's talking to them.

*no it's not