Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The First Day Talker

This is the person in your class who does not understand what the first day of class is for.

  1. Learning how many group projects there will be in the semester, and if that number is greater than one, dropping the class.
  2. Learning how many hotties are in the class.
  3. Learning if one is expected to compete with trendy girls and dress really cute every time...or if one could get away with wearing hoodies undetected.
  4. Learning if the professor is funny or not.
  5. Learning where to sit so as to avoid any stinky classmates.

In short, the first day of class is for learning--not for socializing. The FDT, however, feels the opposite way and is completely insufferable. He talks to his classmates, especially if they are strangers. Introductions are key for the FDT: he will introduce himself to every person sitting in his vicinity. Picture, if you will, the Brady Bunch grid. The FDT is Alice, sitting in the center, and he will not rest until he knows the names of everyone in the surrounding desks (Marcia clockwise through Jan).

Try as he might, the FDT's doom is inevitable--his fame only lasts for that first day of class. Try as he might, the FDT just doesn't have the endurance to keep the coveted position of class clown. It's like he's trying to run a marathon with a sprinter's pace: you just can't start out with all your best material. The FDT uses it all up on the first day, only to get completely worn out by Day 3, which is when the Human Footnote will creep up from behind after pacing herself efficiently and claim the title of Loudest Classmate for her own.


  1. duuude. a girl did this in my class this semester. spare me.

  2. Ahlin does this mean your mad at me for talking to you during Econ on the first day, c'moooon.

    Also hey, theres absolutely nothing wrong with establishing my role as class clown in my small night class on the first day. People are tired, they neeeed me to make em laugh.

  3. "Like" (by the way, Brian, it is you're, I do hope you are not an English major, what are they teaching at college these days???)