The King of Helaman Halls

Ah, the freshman year at BYU. Most of us are thrown from our comfortable pedestals of high school popularity and home-cooked meals and into the figurative swamp full of awkward introductions and a small dorm room that really doesn't feel like Home until November. Walking up the hill to campus, you avoid eye contact with all these unfamiliar faces that are supposedly going to become your best friends. Suddenly you hear loud, rolling laughter behind you, making you jump about a foot in the air. Who dares disturb your gloomy silence? Why, it's the King of Helaman Halls!

Somehow this kid, though he's only been in the dorms one week like everybody else, knows every single person in Helaman Halls. He knows them each intimately. He's made out with 70% of the girls. He's made hilarious videos at 2 a.m. with 45% of the boys. He is the King!

His appearance changes every year. You'd think The King would consistently be a hottie, but I lived in a kingdom under the rule of a less-than-conventional-looking czar--and yet he still had nearly every female subject wrapped around his pinky toe.

Unless you are also a member of his Round Table and thus know an impressive amount of BYU students, try not to walk with him for too long on campus. You will be left feeling lame and unpopular. On the plus side, all those people will have seen you with The King and will assume that you're the Bomb!