The Male English Major

A rare and endangered animal indeed, the Male English Major must be split into two sub-species: weird and awesome.

WEIRD: He is effeminate in every possible way and has a speaking voice reminiscent of Michael Jackson [too soon? Whatever] but probably doesn't have the moonwalk to justify it. Although the Weird M.E.M. can come in either Skeletor or Man-Boob'd, he can almost always be spotted wearing his usual ensemble of a pastel blouse--I mean polo, chino khakis, Keds, and glasses--but alas, not the cool, edgy, rectangular frames. These specs are big, round, and silver. Besides his disappointing appearance, the Male English Major also annoys us all with his arguing tactics. Easily flustered and riled up, he is extremely defensive and becomes mortally offended at the first sign of opposition. He has almost zero sense of humor, although when someone misspeaks, he is the first to whip around, stare beadily from his front row seat, and snort loudly and derisively at the poor soul.

AWESOME: Like the Weird M.E.M., he is very intelligent, but he uses his analytic genius for good rather than evil [i.e. he's really funny]. He is intriguingly attractive, sporting ironic t-shirts, those trendy little rectangular glasses to which I am so partial, and immaculately-fitting jeans. The Awesome M.E.M. does not always immediately catch one's eye, but he grabs one's affections with his snarky wit and insightful comments in class. He is generally single, which forces one to wonder how in the world he isn't married (i.e. what's wrong with him?). WARNING: Awesome M.E.M.s sound perfect, but beware their tendencies to be annoyingly snobby [a trait common to all English majors, regardless of gender].