Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Facebook Terrorist

You innocently sign on to Facebook five minutes into your Humanities reading after a hard day's work. "Jeepers!" you exclaim. "50 notifications! I bet everyone commented on my hilarious Overheard @ BYU post!" Au contraire, young Padawan learner. Every single one of these notifications is from that person who you're pretty sure was in your ward that one semester a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away: he/she answered 40 questions about you, tagged you in 8 of those friend-character-personality grids (in his/her eyes you are Charmander and the snuggliest of his/her Facebook friends), and sent you 2 messages about the event he/she has invited you to. The FBT has veni-vidi-vici'd your Newsfeed so thoroughly with his/her 2,000+ tagged photos, 100+ photo albums, and constantly updated statii that he/she makes Leonidas look like a Miamaid at her first stake dance*. Even if you don't remember where you met the FBT or how you know him/her, you know absolutely every thing about his/her life. Basically the FBT serves as a reminder of why everyone hates Facebook and why, after three hours of stalking, you should really just get back to your homework.

*Okay, what I'm going for here is that the conquering skills of a big, sexy warrior look like the unadulterated fear of a 14-year-old girl next to the profile-annihilating abilities of the FBT. Sometimes my metaphors are pretty reaching.

2 comments:

  1. I see that you were blogging and probably doing the facebook research necessary to write this while you were at work. Props. Does facebook count as a task? If it does we are really good at multitasking in the workplace.

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  2. Ahahaha! You my friend, just veni-vidi-vici-ed this post! Plus you made me imagine Gerard Butler in Steve Madden clogs (was I the only miamaid that wore those...?) which he was totally pulling off BTW.

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